It seems every so often, I look at my life and try to decide where my faith lays. As if I need to belong to a certain sorority called religion. At least I’ve finally gotten past the point where there are some that I absolutely hate (I won’t say which ones). But I still admit to dislike quite a few. I have a big problem with organized religion. But how are we, as a people, to continue teaching without it? I have no answer for that.

I have been trying to explore Native American religions, especially of the Blackfeet tribe (the one to which I have ancestry), but haven’t had too much luck. If anyone does know of a great link (or book – I do actually read books from time to time) I would love to know of it. I wonder if those native religions are closer to the truth as some say a baby is closer to all knowing (as they just came from it).

For now, I am reading ‘Essential Tibetan Buddhism’ by Robert Thurman. I’ve had the book for a long time. I return to it and my other Buddhist books whenever I am in this state of mind. It seems I start down this path and then become skeptical, only to return after exhausting other options. I’m beginning to finally label myself (as if we need more labels) as a Buddhist. At first, I didn’t think that possible, but as I return back to this wonderful book, I’m thinking it might be singing the truth to me.

I know most religious stories are just that, stories, but I would like to find a faith that I can grasp and feel comfortable with. I think I am coming closer. So my hope is to get one step closer. (No, I don’t want to become completely convinced just yet. I still love my explorations). I just want to have enough faith in something to start to feel a little less lonely in this world.

I admit I’m sort of a pessimist and tend to feel that the atheists could hold the truth, yet I don’t want too. It seems too sad to me for this life to be all there is. How can that be? I find my mind heading in this direction and get cold and lonely and then decide the choice is mine. I can believe whatever I want. There is no wrong when it comes to faith, because that is just what it is.

What a wonderful existence to be able to choose! So I take all my prejudices and bottle them up now. I will use my faith and begin to meditate on each of them, and I will slowly throw each away. If I change my faith tomorrow, I will be no farther than I am now, so why waste a moment to find the wrongs when I could be finding the rights.


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