Looking out into the distance, I wonder if you feel me. Did you not notice I was there? I thought I heard you say you were leaving, but your voice cracked. Inspired by the truth in it all, I felt a sudden twinge of remorse. I don’t know where my journey will take me. Nor where you will be if I’m able to return, but I do know, there is no choice in such matters. This heart, it’s broken.

I would wait for you. Just don’t get lost before I do. Because I can only wait when time lets me. Time, unlike I, is unforgiving to us all. It is not just me who wishes to stop, to think, just once about this world, at a moment when it will not take away from the living. Don’t waste your hours on those things. Live and forget about the pain it causes me to wait. 

There, just now, it was sadness in your eyes. I saw it. Don’t hide it from me. You feel it too. Regret. Why would you feel that way? Your heart still beats. Can’t you hear it?  – –    – –    – –    I can. It brings me joy (or is that pain?) to know that you still stand a chance. Can I blame you? You want only to live…without me.

Will you remember me? When you find that other? Before you take that plunge into uncertainty, will a single thought of me come to mind? I wonder. I wonder what life will be like without you. Soft, warm… -I know nothing that exists as such without you!

So this is it. I move on. No longer are my feet kicking, I couldn’t stand the commotion. No longer does my mind race with random thoughts of how I could have done it better (I say that, but it is not true). No longer do I think of what you look (another lie I didn’t need to tell. Will it bring me less pain to bring you more?) I cannot stand this much longer. I would like to say my heart aches for you! But I cannot, because, you see, it is broken.

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5 thoughts on “Broken

  1. You ask the eternal questions asked some many times. I feel you have captured the uncertainty of relationship, the interrogative of ones personal value, and the plaintive passage into the past’s worth. Great piece of prose.Your talent shows through the words.
    Regards,
    DH

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