I have been told over and over that if you just keep going it will work. I meditated today. I am going to do my best to make a sitting meditation a part of my everyday schedule. It will be easier once school is out but much much harder later when life gets busy again. I hope I see better results than I have recently and in the past. But i have never stuck with it. 

I sat today and was feeling disappointed. It is true that I love the feeling I get when I zone out completely; that nothingness. but it comes so infrequent, like bursts of 1 second mixed in with 20 minutes of sitting. And then as soon as I recognize how awesome it is, it disappears. I think it is a lot of work to get to the point where it is easy. I have always felt that maybe there is no fun part and so have given up. Today I decided to keep going because every account I have read has shown that to continue will bring results worth while. I have to trust. Have faith. The 2 hardest things in the world for me.

Then I did my work with water. My medium that is supposed to make the connection to spirit easier. It may be working, but it may also be my own thoughts I am hearing. I suppose some might say that is the point. To hear the higher thoughts of yourself that is the connection to spirit. Mine is saying to keep going. I will listen and hope to have more meaningful conversations later.

I also did some reading on how to see auras. I have been practicing but haven’t seen anything yet. Everything I’ve read says that anyone can do it if they train their eyes and mind. Okay, faith again that if I keep trying and practicing it will happen. 

All of this takes so much time. The good news is that I have it.  The time and the want. However, if September comes and I have no progress, I will have to leave my faith and trust behind me and get back to the real world of working hard on material things and trudging away in the trenches to make enough to get by. God, I hope there is something to find to spark me!

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