Sundays are my day. I get up early to go to a meditation group. After I get up and begin to get ready, I take time to notice the quietness of the house. I look at my sleeping family and give thanks. I am a very lucky person to have all the things I have, most of all healthy children. 

It seems like every time I go to group, the discussion steers me. I feel like the teacher can read my thoughts and help guide me. Today it was about meditating and finding the natural meditation state. Well, not finding it, it exists in every one, but not fighting it I guess. Its okay to let the mind be turbulent, if I am able to recognize it as such. It is still practice. I do not need to define my meditation session as successful or not based on the actions of the mind. Aha! And further more, I can put my separate identities in the same room together (that room being my thought) and just let them ramble if I want and watch them. I don’t have to send them off to make my practice better. 

That said, if I am doing a meditation session where my focus is breath, I can’t get all out of control. I need to bring my focus back to my breath when my mind goes off. I can handle that though.

Today was a relief to hear all of this, oh, and another exciting part – controlling a dream. I read about this and wondered if it would be a beneficial practice. At group it was discussed how some Rinpoches can do just that. Well, in my eyes, that means it is beneficial. Or why else would they do it? I think I am going to have to do my best to say goodbye to Dorothy. I know she won’t disappear forever, but she can spend the rest of our days reading magazines and lounging with Beatrice. The idea that every religion has its people that do supernatural things is my direction to keep going and even extend my practice.

Another thing, I tried a little color seeing today. I realized it happens every time I let my vision relax, and has since I was little. It was mentioned that people see color when their eyes are closed, but that it would be odd to  have it happen while awake. Well, you can. I can and I don’t think I am anything more special than anyone else, I just want to so I try to see. Today during meditation I made a point to try and see the aura of the person in front of me. It was just my luck that he was wearing a white shirt and against a white background. (Luck or fate…dun dun dun) I didn’t read what the colors or things meant before and did just now. I saw a whiteness surround him, which I thought must be wrong, but after reading up I think it is just my eyes not being trained long enough to see the color. I read somewhere that white comes first in the progression. The cool thing is that I began to see swirls of green. My eyes do that, like I said before, but usually I am just looking at the carpet or whatever is in front of me so I don’t pay attention. This time it was definitely green and green every time. I looked up what that meant and from the one page it said it meant healing. It also said it meant this person would be good at growing plants. I need to pay more attention to this person and see if it fits. I think it does because he does talk of the rain and his yard and how it is fairing. I believe he cares about such things. I will have to continue my research when I get time though. I am making meditation and affirmations my priority because I think the rest will come on its own if I keep practicing. 


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