When I take the time to look back at all I have become, not just acts, but in the way I think, I realize I have come a long way. I can honestly say I used to be a pessimistic person. Things always went wrong. Now, I see things as just the opposite. Life will always work itself out and people can always find happiness. I truly believe it is a way of the mind. I admit is has taken me….probably 15 years to accomplish this, but so what? I am here.
Now I am trying to distinguish what my belief is in God. I like the concept but then again, it doesn’t make sense. Not as a person anyway. I definitely believe in gods but I don’t believe one being is in control of everything and has to cater to humankind, along with all species. That would be a suckish existence….so yesterday meditating and a small ant bites me. I shook it off and realized I was not sitting in the right place! so I went inside. That’s when I noticed another small red ant on me. I grabbed it and when I looked at it I thought it was dead so I dropped it in the sink and felt bad, because I hate killing things. Then it started to run around and I smiled because it was just faking. But I had to make the decision, I really thought about it – flush it down the drain or take it outside, because even though I hate killing things, how can I take every little bug outside every time? I chose to take it outside in the end. But the real magic was in my thinking about how in a way, I worked through god. I allowed that little tiny speck to live a little longer by placing it outside. Maybe that’s how things really work. Maybe it is God in the form of everybody and everything. It’s an energy that flows and the real miracle and goodness comes when we help each other.
Still, I talk to God and thank God. I just try to think of God as truly everything and not some man in charge of running the show. Because that part I just can’t buy.