Meditating was a challenge today, so I decided to do a walking meditation. I happen to live in a very beautiful place with forest and swamp and fields full of wildflowers (and weeds 🙂 all mixed together. It was very enjoyable and it did settle my mind a bit. 

I spent some time fighting the idea of magical things in life. I have had no more progress on the auras nor seeing anything else and I wish those people who can see like that would share their secrets. Maybe I need to do more research to see if there is certain exercises I should do. I just don’t get it. The fight began when I was looking for magic, because I always imagine fairies in those wooded places!, and I realized there is a ton of magic out there. The crazy birds, the beautiful flowers, the fact that not a single – oh wait, an ant did bite me – but no mosquito or deer fly did. 

I fight with the idea of wanting more, but then with the – why isn’t this enough? …. I wonder when I will be content. I would like to be. I thought about how now that I’m working, my family and I will be able to travel and see the world, but should that be the thing that brings me content and joy? Because I thought you are supposed to find those things without money and that wouldn’t be the case at all! 

Holy crap, she was right. Typing really does free up my mind. My walk was wonderful. The hard part was when I had to start answering….where are you? and such. I need to find a break from all that stress! It doesn’t matter what else I do. Every bit of joy in my life comes from within me and I make it. I feel like it gets stripped away when I have to justify it. So I won’t! 

Who cares what else happens? If I see the magic movies that give me insight or the auras. I can feel what people are. I have that. I know because I always have had that. I can stand next to someone or just be in the same room and literally feel their mood. It radiates off them and half the time I have to get away if it is negative so it doesn’t suck me in. That’s what I really need to work on. How about I take a turn away from trying to be someone else and use who they are and just be me and work with what I have? I will take anymore that comes but quit feeling defeated when it doesn’t.

 

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