God speaks to us in every way possible so that we can hear Him. Verse 106 says that if a verse is forgotten or doesn’t make sense, He will change it for us so that we may receive His guidance.

I am impressed with this verse. I think of how many times I have felt lost and began again my search for God. I must have known all along that it was He who was missing from my life. He gave me clues. I remember once as a young woman, I was sitting on the counter of a friends house. I call them friends, but I don’t even remember their names. (Only my girlfriend I remember was Sarah.) I had too much to drink. The boy in front of my was vying for my attention, but it was not working. He was doing everything he should. He was listening intently, looking into my eyes, nodding, caressing my arms, but I did’t care.

I was feeling lonely and sad. I had recently had a break up with someone I deeply cared for. My love for him was so strong that when we broke, it crushed me. The pain was unbearable. I couldn’t focus on the attention of another boy, even if it was right in front of me.

I remember saying to him, “all that matters, our only purpose on this earth is to love.” Here in my drunkenness, my pain, my whole world crashing as I spiraled out of control, I knew one thing; that we are supposed to love each other. The problem that I had and I would not discover until many years later, is that I had lost my connection with God (or had never found it?) and could not feel God’s love for me. Even still, I knew, God gave me those words. They were true and I held on to them as struggled through the most difficult years.

Today, as I sit here, I remember the moment I truly felt God’s love. I was sitting in church. I never went to church! I felt so awkward. I didn’t belong. I looked around at all the people in the room who were singing and lifting their arms to heaven, praising God and all he has given them and I wanted so badly to feel what they did, yet I did not feel worthy. I felt that I would be ridiculed if I too raised my hands high. That people would make fun of me because I didn’t belong. But I guess I watched enough Ted Talks (the Amy Cuddy, fake it til you make it was helpful here!) that I just kept going. I thought, who am I to judge? If I think they would laugh at me, aren’t I too saying that they should be laughed at for their actions and beliefs?

Right then, I changed the way I thought. I did not judge them, I never had. I was only judging myself and that is not my place! It is He to judge me and my actions. My arms filled with goosebumps as God entered my heart. My life began that day. I began living and doing for God. Most importantly I do it out of love and the true guidance of God.


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