“…and by endowing all thoughts with equal power will inevitably destroy peace…True denial is a powerful protective device…In the service of the right mind the denial of error frees the mind, and re-establishes the freedom of the will…When the will is really free it cannot miscreate, because it recognizes only truth…Then a defense so splendid was needed that it could not be misused, although it could be refused…”
As I read, I was flooded with a recent situation. An old friend contacted me recently. She texted me and said she was thinking of me and hoping I was doing well. The truth is, I wish the same for her. But I did not know how to respond because this friend broke my heart. I say that as if it is possible for another person to cause pain and suffering. In my rational mind, I know that no person can make me feel a certain way, it my interpretation, my perception of the events, that make me feel that way. But the truth is, she did not stick up for me. She did not see my value as a professional. And so, I had a choice to make as the old feelings rushed back. Feelings of unworthiness that I worked so hard to build from scratch in my broken life. Feelings of betrayal as she unexpectedly told me all of the ways I did not add up to the person she thought I should be in order to be an asset to her company.
I had choices to make. I could respond to her text. I could tell her exactly how I felt. I felt as if I never truly knew her at all. As we conversed privately and had wonderful professional conversation, that were not apparently authentic. That maybe our relationship was a surface of niceties that I mistook for a deeper connection. Maybe she was playing big sister and felt as if she could raise me up, when in fact, I had come into my own and had no reservations about who I had become. I don’t know, but I figured out two things could happen if I responded.
- I would say things so bluntly that I would hurt her feelings. I could get back at her and make her feel exactly how she made me feel. But I don’t like to see people hurt. I especially do not like to be the one causing the hurt. I am a healer, so it was out.
- I would provide my real authentic response. I would tell her how badly it hurt when she turned her back on me. When she made the choice of power over friendship, it broke my heart. Then she could respond and it would cause another problem.
- I would be arguing a who was wrong, who was right, in the arena of feelings, in which there is no wrong or right and in fact, in the realm of the world of human interaction, there really is no right or wrong, only your way and my way.
- I would be repairing a friendship I no longer had value in.
In the end, I chose not to respond. She is a smart lady. She knows I am hurt. She’ll know the friendship is over. I will wish her well to God above and put faith in the fact that he is working through her and he is working through me. I will grow. She will make the same choice or not. In the end, it is not up to me, I can only make my choice.