The Voice of Knowledge, Chapter 3
We are born perfect. We live free and are truly who we are meant to be and then the world imposes itself on us. Then we begin to believe the lies.
I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness. I had a dream about a friend who I felt had betrayed me. She didn’t stick up for me when I thought she should have. In fact, she may have even been the one who determined I wasn’t good enough. I will never know because people keep secrets. But it doesn’t matter because I felt pain. I felt wronged. At first, I was crushed. The pain was intense and I felt unloved and unworthy.
Time went by. And I analyze things and replay things and otherwise make things big and complicated.
The Buddha in me believes there is no right or wrong. And so I look at it from all points of view. She did what she thought was right. She’s probably feeling pain too. If only I would have done this or that, things would have been different. If only she would have recognized my value, things would be different. It spiraled out of control again.
More time passed. I tried to forgive and forget. Yet, I am reminded constantly. As any painful experience, it’s frequency lessened, but the pain remained.
Then I discovered the gem. Chapter 3. What if there is no wrong and no right. Only my authentic self and her authentic self. And they were meant to meet in that moment at that time in exactly that way so that I might be perpetuated on my life’s journey.
You see, my whole life’s plan was disrupted in that moment where I felt wronged. But what if it was a blessing? Of course I couldn’t see it then, but I held on to the fact that God does not make mistakes. That God has a purpose for me. And although I felt as if I still could fulfill my purpose going down that path, He knows I would not. And so he removed an obstacle, several obstacles in fact.
I’m still waiting for the purpose to reveal itself, but I know it will. I whole heartedly believe God is guiding me and placing everything where it should be. I trust.
I no longer believe forgiveness is necessary. Only understanding that where I was at that moment has set me up for what’s next to come.
I believe if I can continue to live my authentic self, God will guide me to my purpose.