What a beautiful idea. My brain does a lot of thinking. Nonstop and in every direction. My emotions do the same. Except when they don’t. And I’m just now trying to figure out about that.

For instance, a couple times in my life I have had overwhelming feelings of excitement. That’s the best I can describe it. It’s when I’m truly being myself and having the best fun I can have. Like dancing! I love dancing. But inevitably one of two things happens. (Always after the fact).

  1. I feel embarrassed.
  2. I feel remorseful.

Why? In the moment I feel so good. Carefree and fun. Who is it that tells me it is wrong? Is it the voice of knowledge. The one that tells me I should act a certain way. Is it that voice placing those emotions inside me?

What I am starting to realize is, yes. I never felt those things until someone told me what I was doing was embarrassing or wrong. And each and every time it was from someone that I loved.

Why would they do that to me? I don’t know. But I think it’s because they want to dance too. They want to dance and he carefree and someone stopped them. Someone told them they were doing ridiculous things and they believed them.

I’m not saying this solves my problem. It only stratches the surface. What other behavior do I have that are based off lies? It is my intent to carefully examine them all. My first focus is on when I feel joy. I want to see what is different about the lies. Or maybe there are no lies in those moments?

I also read something not too long ago. It was about energy. And to be careful not to spend time with those who steal your energy. It is time to have faith, be patient and look for the truths.


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