I wouldn’t be so naive to think that freedom could possibly exist inside that beautiful skin. I’ve spent my whole life wandering, begging, believing and the second you looked at me that way, I wondered if I’ve been missing out.

The smell of you pressed against me, it lingers in my memories. The taste of your sweet lips still haunts my mind. It will never be enough.

Break my heart, it might still be worth it. Who am I to know? I’ve been living a lie. Maybe truth is the least of the pain spread upon a canvass full of lost souls. Have you ever seen the beauty of a storm? I lived one and thought its beauty never-ending. Until I died one day.

I walked this earth a heartless beast for nights on end. Finding comfort in the dust that settled from fallen hopes and dreams. I didn’t even know I was drowning. Being swallowed by someone else’s, everyone else’s, idea of magical endings.

Wake up.

I heard it a thousand times inside the dull marching of a lifeless existence. It got louder and louder until you showed up and it screamed. It screamed so loud it hurt to breathe. How could I possibly take one more step towards a black hole when there is the slightest possibility of release?

I only fear I won’t be able to let it take me over. I am afraid my heart is full of poison. The kind that eats you slowly without your ever knowing. Except I do. I know. I know I am tainted and torn. A product of past mistakes that tear at your soul.

I hope I don’t make the same. I promise I am more than what anyone has ever thought. My heart bleeds. It dreams of a love so certain it would hold a free spirit in the grasp of a windswept summer night. Not by force, but by beckoning it with the absolute certainty of being the sun among the stars.

For now, I’ll live off the memories of those few stolen moments, when you didn’t look away. When your hand reached my thigh. When it was all I could do to keep myself from diving into the essence of you. I’ll try not to die under the weight of a wandering mind that only knows disappointments if you’ll try not to kill me for it too.


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