I am struggling now. This chapter is really hard for me to read. A bunch of rules on how to be a woman and treat a woman. But I literally LOL’d when I read:

43. O you who believe! Do not approach the prayer while you are drunk, (makes sense) so that you know what you say (of course, because when you are drunk, you really know nothing…or everything, depending on whether you are drunk right now); nor after sexual orgasm (wait, what? Did I read that right? LOL-what version did I end up with?) -unless you are traveling (oh, so I’m good if I’m on vacay?) – until you have bathed. (So, only pray after fucking when you are on vacation and you’ve taken a bath…these are chiming up to be some very weird rules) If you are sick, or traveling, or one of you comes from the toilet, or you have had intercourse (oh my, is this really a religious book?) with women, and cannot find water, find clean sand and wipe your faces and your hands with it. (That seems painful.) God is Pardoning and Forgiving.

I don’t mean to be disrespectful in my comments and of course I do not judge. I couldn’t get much farther than this though. When the words like “orgasm” and “intercourse” jumped out while I was sitting down to be with God, I was a little shocked. Not that God doesn’t approve of sex, I just didn’t know he would have a bunch of rules on how to make it work with praying.

I guess, good. If this book covers all the dos and don’ts no one has to question anything. Except we do. We all question everything. Am I making the right decision? How will this affect me in the future?

I am in the midst of making many life changes and I recently saw a beautiful TED talk by Ruth Chang about making life choices. Near the end she said something like, everybody makes a different choice because everybody is different. My choice is not right for you as yours is not right for me. And neither choice is “better” than the other. And then she really struck me when she said that some people are drifters. They let their life be decided by outside events and people. That has been me, up until recent when I decided to make a choice that went against what everyone thought was the right thing to do. I choose to believe that God has my best interest at heart, that he is guiding my soul to its life’s purpose. I am not naive to think that there won’t be struggles along the way, but I have already lived so many while following everyone else’s paths, I don’t see why I can’t live through my very own, self-made struggles.

A feather lifts from the ground, it dances and plays. It looks so free and fun-loving. Yet when the wind fails, it falls. Strength and wisdom comes not from the feather but from the place where it was plucked. Where it belongs. It’s the eagle that flies free.

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