For a second things almost got real. I almost drowned in the ponderings of a belonging as beautiful as the lips that softly pushed into mine. The tongue that still plays in my mind. The breath that fills me with each in and each out. I can see the kindness in your eyes. I can hear the stillness in our souls.

I don’t know why I even thought such a thing could last. As if the Gods played a cruel joke to give me a glimpse of forever. My words became kind and thoughtful. My imagination built a castle of sand on a tower of ice in the middle of a hot, summer day.

Then the rain came. It dripped into me and reminded me of the purpose for which our worlds even touched. A touch filled with agony and longing, yet a strange uniqueness that knows no boundaries in a world filled with sharp edges.

I won’t lie. It hurt when that magic cloud lifted and left me with the whisperings that life is real. It’s not. Yet, it still makes itself so believable. So full of hope with no apologies for the path it leads us on. Why would you place me so close with my favorite fantasy only to take it all away?

I know its because you wanted me to get out, God. I was never meant to live a life void of emotions. I was born to feel. To love. To be consumed by life itself until I beg to go home. A.h. you are my rescuer. Even if you can never be my forever. I can love you for that. Even if I can never allow myself to love you for more.


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