“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of rightousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; mu cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

I have heard this verse many times. It never meant anything to me before. But my therapist gave me a ritual. It involved lighting incense and candles and reciting this verse 3 times. While reciting it, it became deeper. It meant more.

It’s really hard for me to conceptualize God. The Jesus component does make it easier to imagine. Most people do identify with the human portion, but I like to see God as everything, everywhere and that is hard to picture. Every time I try to describe my God to others all I can do is hold my hands out and pinch at the air and say things like, “it’s just everything,” which is really not helpful, nor does it make any sense.

Taking that in mind, it is also very hard for me to imagine that whatever this God is, He (because I can only go so far with my imagining) is everywhere with everyone and can hear every prayer.

Do I believe that? Yes. Whole heartedly. That’s exactly why I can believe in God even if I can’t see Him or understand His actual being. I can feel. And I know that the moment I started to believe, or actually rather notice, that when I prayed or put my intention on anything, it worked out. Call it the “secret” if you will, but God takes care of me so why shouldn’t I believe that God wants the best for me.

Now when I read this verse, I imagine God telling me He is with me. He will provide for me. He will hold my hand as I sit with enemies. Sometimes enemies look like friends, after all. He will guide me through good experiences and bad so that when I am headed in the right direction, I will know it. And I will have all that is required as weaponry from the experiences that built up my store.

All of this will accumulate into a life well lived. After that, who knows. All I know is since I decided to do what was required of me, life became…a whole hell of a lot harder. But it feels so much more right. And I feel like I am working toward something great.

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