…the cars rumble by and shake the windows with their loud exhaust. I hear every rev of every engine.

I still can’t get you off my mind.

Right now I dream of the moment, of waking in the morning and greeting each kind soul with a smile and a sample of hope.

I still can’t imagine doing it without you by my side.

Right now I dream and pray that I will be blessed with all I need.

I can’t help but wonder if it was you all along. And I wish for one more moment to feel your body pressed against mine.

Am I so hopeless to wish for pleasure when I know it comes from pain?

Right now I dream, that you are everything I was meant to have. That you hold all that I was meant to experience in this reality that was built on broken promises and lost causes. That you can heal it all.

But that is too much to ask from a fellow broken soul…maybe we could heal together.

Maybe we could begin… taking risks and chances that could land us in the depth of sorrow, or what if, what if we are not wrapped in a cosmic projection set at black hole sadness but we are headed towards an eternal bliss that was gifted to us simply because we’ve endured all the madness that life has hurled at us?

Right now I hold on to the idea that love doesn’t have to hurt. It goes against all I’ve ever known, but I promised that I would begin to live my own dream. Full of magical experiences that aren’t immediately followed by grand disappointments. I will build my illusion into reality and cross my fingers that the jump I make doesn’t rip me to pieces.


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