I’ve been grappling with the idea that things could be exactly where they should be. The morning sun rises each day and finally lays its blessings on me. In the bustle of the moment, I feel all the warmth. Then the quiet comes.
The quiet brings uncertainty and a sense of dread. When the world crumbled and I fought against all that would throw their spears at me, I was so busy defending that I didn’t know how to exist beyond it.
Going from living the expected, to defending the freedom, to attainment of everything did not end up as I imagined. There is no happily ever after is a phrase I have heard, but it’s reality is in the fact that if you cannot put that happiness in your soul and believe you deserve it and even go beyond that and expect it to thrive, you will never be happy.
I never would have imagined I would fear the good, the bliss, the joy of being my own person, with my own set of friends that love me. But I suppose we are a result of our past and in my past I was shown never to trust that the love will stay true, the rug will get pulled out and you will fall on your face.
So I face another of my demons. I will win this one too. If I do not believe that my Goddess and God have a plan that includes my utmost happiness within this existence, how will they ever feel I am ready to accept it? I am preparing myself for greatness. I am sitting in my anxiety free, blissful home, watching for the signs that will lead me to my greatness, ever choosing each moment at a time to believe that the world is here for my enjoyment and pleasure. And while I may have lessons to learn, I can dance in the accomplishments and curl up in the arms of the love provided to me, for however long I am blessed with it.