The words drip from your lips easily. You say you were afraid. I ask of what, thinking it was the danger that I felt myself to be in. Anger. Mine. Building and causing all of this fairy tale to crumble. It seemed absurd to me. Not because you literally saved my life, how could anger be my next driving force?, But because I cannot express the same inside of me. The cold numbness that flows over me at times when my body takes over in a protective way, I anticipate the day you’ll disappear.

The soft caresses I try not to notice as your hand brushes back and forth on my leg and the sunshine sends me into a euphoria of bliss while driving down the freeway at speeds causing the wind to whip my hair across my body – another sensation I don’t know I can handle. My state is not fragile, it is the toughest I have ever been, but I fear. I won’t let you see how much I ache for you to be the one beside me for all the years to come. Any mention of you not with me and my body deceives my mind. It writhes in pain arguing with my thoughts.

The little things you do that will haunt me when you disappear. As each person has come to be a magician in my life, I have no doubt that you will be the same, yet I beg that you are different. Could it possibly be so easy as to simply wake up each day with you? Please say yes. And say yes again every time the sun kisses the morning. Break me.

 

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